Thursday, January 5, 2017

Who Is Going To The Overwatch Orgy? Asking For a Friend...

When you get a veritable horde of geeks together in one place, at one time, add music and alcohol...things can get weird real fast. As a species, geeks are mostly awkward land dwellers who could use a shot just to speak to people we like (but never met in person) for more than 5 minutes. Given the right conditions, the situation could turn...messy. Given weeks of planning and preparation, things can get downright pervy!! Maybe pervy is the wrong word. The lobby parties at DragonCon are pervy. I'm talking about sweaty, sticky cosplayers doing things you've only drawn pictures of in the special notebook you think no one knows about, craftily hidden in plain sight on your shelf wedged between the Scott Pilgrim Omnibus and the Puffy Amiyumi Song Book. Until today...

I had blocked out thoughts of potential convention hookup horrors and how, with the help of modern technology, one could find short-term lovin amid an ocean of uncoordinated, nekkid Homestuck devotees. I can not undo the damage I have done to my vulnerable grey matter, so all that is left to do...is share my torment.

It all began with a very wrong, terrible Facebook post by our friend Maki Hinds, completely lacking in the 100 warnings necessary to ward off those who can't handle the terrors of a thirsty, possibly infected boy looking for a MAGfest hookup and what such a creature is capable of writing to further their quest for willing participants. I'm not going to provide a link to the post because you'd throw up all over your keyboard and I don't want to be responsible for that level of carnage, but suffice to say, the imagery included in this, the classiest of Craigslist postings, is equal in hilarity and terror to the words chosen to woo a potential love monkey. His siren's call reads thusly:

WARNING: THIS IS ABOUT TO GET GROSS

33 year old white military man seeks a woman who wants to feed me their pussy at Magfest, either in costume or not ;) I'm open to more, but I have a true passion for eating pussy so if that's all you want, that is totally fine with me! No reciprocation required! About me, I'm 6'1" tall about 190lbs brn brn with 7.5in cut thick. I'll have my own hotel room at the Gaylord, so you can easily check out some panels, hang with friends, then duck out for an hour or so and let me eat you out! 
I'm a very oral lover who loves to give more than receive...I've been told many times that I'm excellent at eating out and have a talented tongue that will make you cum quickly. Would prefer to host at my hotel room, but I'm definitely cool with going down on you somewhere semi-public (think movie theater, restaurant, maybe a Magfest panel or two!!) if you're feeling adventurous or I can come to your room if you're at the Gaylord.  
I also love to take pics of my adventures (my face only!) but if that bothers you then we don't have to do it. I'm looking for primarily white, latino, or Asian women aged 18-45 who are in fit to average/curvy shape and DDF. I am cool with a chubby/curvy woman, but please no BBWs! I'm disease and drug free, get tested all the time and play safe only (condoms required for penetration) so no worries about diseases if we go all the way.  
If you are interested, please reply and send a pic or two. Emails without pics will be ignored. And because I already know that I'll get a bunch of fakes and pic collectors responding just so they can get pics (this is CL after all), I'll go ahead and say here that I will NOT send any additional pics outside of what is posted here without voice verifying first. We can voice verify anonymously (dial *67 then my number) if you prefer, but I will need to hear a female voice before I send my more intimate pics or full pics of my face because I work in a sensitive job. So in short, to speed things up if you are real/serious please send a number in your initial response or at least be ready to call within a few emails. 
And I can't believe I have to put this in the ad but NO MEN!!! I AM CLEARLY POSTING IN THE NON-GAY M4W SECTION, I AM **NOT** INTERESTED IN LETTING YOU GAY SUCK MY NON-GAY DICK, I AM LOOKING TO EAT NON-GAY PUSSY ONLY!!! DO NOT REPLY GAY MEN, SAVE YOUR GAY TIME AND MINE.

To add icing on this cake of unspeakable nightmare fuel, the first image you are greeted with is the young man with his face buried on some unfortunate woman's hooha and, considering the high resolution of today's digital photography, it's been suggested he might have a little herp on his lip.

Think this is the craziest thing on Craigslist related to this weekend's more underground MAGfest activities? THINK AGAIN!

Though our own searches only turned up an article from last year that spoke of a failed Sonic the Hedgehog orgy, it seems there is, indeed, a bit more enterprising kink going on behind closed doors. Convention goers can participate in:

The Yuri on Ice Orgy- So we are having a yuri on ice theme orgy. Yurio is banned. Get as many JJ, Yuri, Victor, etc in here. All are welcomed! Age 21+ meet at the gazebo Friday at 8pm. WE WERE BORN TO MAKE ORGIES!








Overwatch Orgy- Do you like Overwatch? I love OVERWATCH. I am really looking to meetup with other "interested parties" for some sexy MAGfest fun. We will be meeting on Thu at 9pm near the gazebo and going to a private suite. Come in public appropriate Cosplay. What you wear after is up to you :P


Can you even? We can't even. Let's go back to talking about toys. Not the vibratey kind. Have fun at MAGfest!


No comments :

Post a Comment